Rock Star

If you asked Maddie what she wanted from Santa, she would always say "Barbie 'tar!" Needless to say, Santa delievered that special guitar in a big way and she has had a blast with it. Here she is practicing up on her skills!

Christmas 2010

Unfortunately, Christmas was not all that I had hoped for this year.

On Christmas Eve, we traveled to Carthage to visit my grandmother. On the car ride over, I felt weak and a little nauseated. I assumed that I would perk up after eating something. I struggled to get lunch down and immediately went to lie in the chair afterwards, while everyone else played games. An hour or so passed, and I couldn't take it anymore. I had to get home! Before we even pulled out of the drive, I got violently ill! It was awful but for a moment, I felt a little better. I tried to sleep the whole way home and then immediately went to my bed. I slept for about 2 hours before waking up feeling sick again. It was uncontrollable and I was miserable. My mom and Jaime kept trying to encourage me to go to the ER because I wasn't able to keep anything down. It was a tough decision to make though. Afterall, it was Christmas Eve (my favorite time of the year) and there were plans we had with Maddie. I was devastated but knew that I was dehydrated and needed a little IV help. So we drove to Tyler and sent Maddie to Nana and Papaw's house. They made cookies for Santa and read Christmas stories along with wrapping all of the "Santa" gifts, while we went to the hospital. I was sad but I know that Maddie really didn't know the difference yet. Thank goodness for her only being 2 1/2!!! It was a good thing that we went in. They immediately admitted me to labor and delivery for the night. I got set up in a room, hooked up to fetal monitors, and checked periodically. I was so dehydrated that my uterus was a little irritable. I went through 3 bags of fluid along with getting nausea medicine. The fluid helped quite a bit and by noon Christmas day, we were able to leave. I've been weak and tired, but better. We were able to do Santa with Maddie later that afternoon and she had a blast! I managed to make it through the day, carrying on with some yearly traditions, and crashed hard by the end of the night. Most importantly, Brooklyn's heart rate was great the whole time and Maddie has a super Christmas. As long as my girls are happy, right?!?!?!? :) Here are a few pictures:

Praise

I really need to take the opportunity to not only share my fears and worries, but to also share the things that I am grateful for! This is an an effort to change my way of thinking...slowly...but surely...

So hear goes:

1. Praise the Lord that the sonographer and doctor discovered the issue with Brooklyn's umbilical cord insertion! If it had been overlooked and not treated accordingly, the end results would most certainly be very bad. As scared and uncertain as I am about how things are going to play out, I have to be thankful to God for not allowing me to be one of the "undetected cases".

2. Thank you God for allowing me to be off all this next week from work! This break could not have come at a better time. I am in huge need of some rest and relaxation! It feels so good as I sit here on Sunday evening, knowing I do NOT have to go to work in the morning!

3. Ahhhh, and as I sit here typing...little Miss Brooklyn is kicking away and beginning to move my whole belly! What a fun feeling. Thank you God that I get the unique opportunity as a woman to experience carrying a child. This child. It is wonderful!

4. My Maddie. She is the best and I just know that she is going to be a wonderful big sister! She already loves Brooklyn so much and I love when she comes up to me, lifts my shirt up, and starts looking for her little sister in my belly button (except if we are in public!). It really makes me laugh!

5. Last but not least-praise God for a great husband! My emotions and hormones get the best of me-often. Somedays, he really puts up with a lot from me. I don't know that any other man would have done all that he has. I should say Thank You for him, and to him, a lot more often!

The list could go on and on but these things are what's specifically on my heart right now.

Continue to pray for Brooklyn! Our next appt is on January 10th and Im already anxious. Im praying for continued answers (hopefully in the form of reasonably good news) and a plan being laid out.

Three Words

I heard three words today.

The first set made me so happy: "It's a girl!" Of course, we already kind of knew that from our early sonogram at 16 weeks. We were simply glad that our doctor's visit at almost 22 weeks, confirmed that. Otherwise, our little boy was going to look strange in that Little Sister outfit I bought!

Then the next set of three words came.

Velamentous Cord Insertion

Now, if you google those words (if you dare) it paints a very messy picture. I should have NEVER looked up those words because when I did I saw these words: stillborn. That was the main word that stuck out to me and I cried when I saw it.

Im not an expert and my head is still sort of foggy, but the jist of what this all means is this: instead of the umbilical cord inserting correctly into the placenta, it sort of stopped early and only attached to the membranes. So far-this hasn't seemed to affect Brooklyn in a negative way. She's about 1 pound as she should be and measures correctly with the due date. Of course, she's as cute as can be too! However, this could affect things from here on out in a very dangerous way. It could prevent her from growing and putting on weight because of not getting the necessary nutrients. It could also cause, realistically, fetal death. The statistics I've read show that 95% of undetected cases end in stillborn. The upside is that our case is detected! My doctor knows and told me that she will be watching me very closely. I will have an ultrasound EVERY time and will probably start weekly stress tests at some point to make sure that no distress is going on with the baby. I'll have to be ever mindful of fetal movement as well. My doctor told me to try not to be overly-concerned (yea, right) and that many times this all turns out just fine. Some other possibilities were thrown around: scheduled early c-section, being one of them. I suppose we will see how this all plays out.

Im really trying to be optimistic and trust right now, but am really struggling. I've come so far after a lot of loss, and my worst fear is to have to deliver a baby that's not living. Im not sure how anyone would ever get through that.

Yes, I know....sort of a "gloom and doom" mentality, but that's where my mind always seems to go first.

I would just ask that you pray for this baby, mostly. Pray that she continues to grow and remains healthy. Pray that we are all able to hold her and enjoy her in a few months. Pray that we can watch her grow just as we are doing with Maddie.

Journey Through Bethlehem 2010

JTB is here again and we are having a huge turn out! We've already beat several records from years past! Maddie spent 2 solid nights out on the town and absolutely loved it. Her favorite part is all the animals! There are 2 ponies this year that are a new additon. They are the cutest things and she really loved them! Maddie also helped her dad and I sell baskets in a booth one night. I must say-she is the cutest little girl to ever walk the streets of Bethlehem! Cameras aren't allowed out on the town so I have limited pictures. But this gives you an idea:

Christmas, thus far...

So much has happened in the Crouse House, and all in a matter of roughly a week! For starters, my sweet great grandmother passed away about a week ago. She had lived 96 years on this Earth and we were all ready for her passing. (what a blessing....96 years!!) I can only imagine the welcome she received by her Heavenly Father along with a husband and son that she had been without for so many years. She will be missed but this Earthly good-bye is only temporary!

The same evening of grandmaw's passing, I spent the entire night in the ER. I had woken up with some pretty severe back pain that lasted all day and continued to get worse. It brought me to tears, it hurt so bad, and I really began to worry that something was wrong with the pregnancy. After a long night, they determined that I had kidney stones and sent me home with pain medication. It's a touchy thing during pregnancy and there is not always a lot that can be done. I've spent the next week is CONSTANT pain and could not even attend the funeral. Some times it is worse than others, but it's always there. I've even been to the ER one other time, because I just can't seem to get comfortable. The most likely story at the moment, is that I still have stone that I am unable to pass. I see my OB doctor on Tuesday and I am praying for more answers and some relief. Im not sure how this is all going to end at the moment, but I ask that you be in prayer for it too. I have several more months of my pregnancy and I would really, really like to go back to enjoying it.

Despite the intense pain I've been in, I've still had many things I not only wanted to do but HAD to do (like work...ugh). Christmas is my favorite time of year and Im trying to not let my discomfort ruin fun traditions that not only I enjoy-but Maddie as well. So on Saturday, Maddie and I headed to Hallsville with Jaime to help him and his varsity soccer team help out in a service project at the Hallsville Outreach Center. This is something that Jaime really wanted his boys to do and asked me if I wanted to help. I thought it was a great idea and a way for us to all be together. I helped Maddie rake some leaves for a little while at a local park. I was so very proud of her! She thinks that helping is fun (atleast for now!) and I really want to encourage that idea within her. She spent a lot of time hanging out with her dad and the boys too along with playing at the park; which allowed me to sit down and rest.

Later that night, we did our annual Cracker Barrel/Santa Land trip. I look forward to this every year! We went and ate some good food, shopped around in the store, and then headed over to see the lights. Maddie LOVED it! She is at such a fun age this year. Afterwards, we pulled over and let her see Santa. While we waited in line, she was literally jumping up and down from excitement! I wasn't sure how she would act when it was actually her turn but she did better than expected. She ran straight to him, hugged him, kissed his cheek and was still in his lap. But when he asked her what she wanted for Christmas, she shut down and acted shy. It was kind of cute! So far this is what she says she wants when we ask:

a reindeer (she loves Rudolph)
brown horse (horses are her new thing)

a "baby-tar" (Barbie guitar)

I can't wait till Christmas morning! We've got plenty of other things over these next few weeks and Im looking forward to them ALL!

Thanksgiving and A Sneak Peek

The holidays are upon us!

Thanksgiving was wonderful and we have so much to be thankful for right now! A new home, great family and friends, good (even though stressful) jobs, and a healthy pregnancy just to name a few. I enjoyed the usual this year: eating all my favorite holiday foods! It doesn't get any better than chicken and dressing and sweet potato casserole! Yummy!



Now it's time for Christmas which is my absolute favorite! I have so many things to look forward too: Journey Thru Bethlehem, our annual Cracker Barrel/Santaland trip, Christmas day, wedding anniversary and SO much more. It's the best! We are working on getting our Christmas cards designed and sent out. I had my cousin come take some pictures for us like she has done in the past. Here is a sneak peek:

It's a.................GIRL!

Looks like Maddie was right all along! She is going to have a "baby dister"!

Jaime, Maddie and I went to a place in Tyler today to have an early gender sonogram done and sure enough....it's another girl! I couldn't be happier and I think that daddy is pretty pleased himself! The experience was great and some other family members got to be there for the occasion. Meet our little girl:



Brooklyn Hope Crouse

I had calculated myself to be 16 weeks today and due around April 23rd, but Miss Brooklyn measured about 5 days larger with an estimated due date around April 18th. Either way, I can't wait for April to get here so I can hold her in my arms!

Pumpkins

As always, Jaime cleaned out and carved a pumpkin for us to be displayed! It was a lot of fun and added that special touch to our front porch. Maddie enjoyed watching her daddy transform the pumpkin into a Jack-O-Lantern and even got to "decorate" a small pumpkin all by herself!

A little pumpkin for a little girl!

Stickers and Crayons!

The Front Porch The finished product!

Back Online

Christmas came early this year!! I am so grateful too, because now I can resume blogging. We lived in pre-historic times for quite a while in our house and only owned a desktop computer. (I can hear the shock in your voice now) BUT, we finally have upgraded to a lap-top which makes all our computer use so much easier. So, after a long absence, I'm back, and all thanks to this:

And it's PINK too! How perfect. Thank you Jaime!

Well, we've moved into Fall but since it's been so long since I've posted, I actually have some Summer pictures to still post. So here are a few pictures from our last trip to a Rangers' game (who I might add, are currently playing the Yanks in post-season!)

In other news, baby #2 is on it's way and doing well. I am currently 13 weeks along and have had all great reports! I worry constantly, considering my history, but am really trying to trust that God has everything under control. Your prayers would be greatly appreciated!

Man-U Vs. MLS All-Stars

Jaime's favorite English Premier soccer team is, of course, Manchester United. For those of you that attended our wedding reception, you may even remember that his groom cake was fitting for the fan he is! His dream would be to travel to England and see Man-U play in their home stadium. However, that dream probably won't happen anytime soon. So we settled for the next best thing! Man-U came to America! They've been touring for roughly a month and recently played the MLS All-Stars at Reliant Stadium in Houston. Of course, we had tickets and Jaime was thriled to get the opportunity to see his favorite team. I, myself, am not the huge soccer fan that my husband is; however, even I realized that this event was a pretty big deal. I was sick with a stomah virus and sinus infection when we went, but I refused to lose money on the tickets and I really wanted to spend the evening with Jaime. So I put on a happy face and went along, despite feeling horrible. Im glad I did. We dropped Maddie off at Nana's house and hit the road. Man-U ended up winning, 5-2! We topped the evening off with a late dinner and then got a hotel for the night, before driving back home the following morning. Here are a few pictures of the evening:

Short and Sweet-Our Summer Vacation

Recently, I took 3 days off of work and extended out my July 4th weekend so that we could make a trip up to Baraboo, WI. That's Jaime's hometown and we hadn't been there since we were dating! Jaime's brother and sister-in-law still live there (in the house that Jaime grew up in, of all things) along with lots of old friends. Though our trip was very short, we had a great time and really enjoyed some quality time together.

Maddie and "Monkey" (Uncle Jed)

Maddie and Aunt Traci

Train RideBaraboo is the home of the Circus World Museum and during the summer they have the big top show. It was a ton of fun to spend a whole day at the Circus and to just feel like a kid again. The ringmaster is the same guy from when Jaime was just a little boy. They don't allow pictures of all the acts-but here is a quick shot of Maddie. She climbed up into one of the wagons that they use to carry the lions in. And yes, she even growled for us!

We spent one day at a 4th of July parade. It's in a small town that only contains 14 houses, but thousand of people show up to this parade!

Decked out in our Texas attire!

We ate at a few of Jaime's favorite restaurants, enjoyed much cooler temperatures, and spent late nights playing Mario Kart-our favorite. We had an absolute blast! On our way home, we drove through the capital of Wisconsin-Madison. No, that's not why we named Maddie that, at all. But it's still neat!

Thanks to Aunt Traci and Uncle Monkey for helping make our trip so memorable. We can't wait to do it again!

The Girls

Recently, Jaime and I got the opportunity to go visit some friends of ours in their new home. It was beautiful and we had a GREAT time! While we there, I took the chance to get a couple of quick pictures. The first one is of the two M&M's - Macy and Maddie. They are both such sweet little girls, sharing the 13th as a birthday, and growing like weeds! Maddie loves babies, especially "Macy baby", as she calls her! I enjoy watching them together! The next picture is of the moms with their little girls. Amy is such a great friend and Im so glad to share so many things in common-most of all, the wonderful experience of raising daughters as our first born! I look forward to watching our relationship continue to develop and enjoy what all God has in store for our families. I also look forward to watching Macy and Maddie grow into little girls. I know they are going to be the best of friends!

Madison Elizabeth

It had been quite a while since I last had Maddie's pictures taken. So, a few weeks ago, I called a good friend of mine that does photography and asked him to set us up. He came and took photos of Maddie this morning and I think they turned out great. Here are just a few of my favorites:

I often ask Maddie if she is my big girl, to which she replies, "no, I da baby!" I suppose she's right about that to an extent. But looking at these pictures says something completely different! I can't believe she is over 2 years old now. I remember rocking her to sleep in her room, when she was only a few weeks old, and telling myself how I would never forget that exact moment. I never have either! Granted, it hasn't been a lifetime yet, but I can remember every detail from the moment she was born till now. So many things pop out in my mind when I reflect over the past 2 years. Mostly, Im just so very grateful that God chose to bless me with this gift. I always wanted to have lots of babies, and ALWAYS wanted a little girl first. I never expected it would be this fun, though! The "world of pink" is as good as it gets and through the disheartening times of pregnancy losses-Im particularly thankful that I do know what it's like to carry/deliver/and raise a sweet baby.

Maddie...you are the best! Daddy and I love you!

Hard Times

Two weeks ago today, I woke up in bed and could immediately tell that something was wrong. I knew, before I even made it to the restroom, that I was bleeding. I was right-and for the rest of the weekend-I experienced my third and hardest miscarriage. Three times....wow. I've spent a lot of time over the past 2 weeks wondering how I even got to this point. How could my first pregnancy be so great, and my body get pregnant so easily...to have then experienced what I have over this past year? It just doesn't make sense to me and I hate every second of it! Im frustrated, upset, discouraged, confused, angry, tired, and the list goes on and on. It's a horrible thing to go through. And yet...that desire is still there. Jaime and I, along with my doctor, have decided to go to the next step. All that means at this point is that we are going to have some further testing done. Those test are going to take place next Friday. The results (if any) will then show us what may or may not need to happen next. Be praying hard. Please.

In other news, my job is horrible and Im surrounded by un-Godly, un-caring people. I've made great relationships with a few of them. But there are others that are rude, and dramatic, and make me completely miserable. I wished I was better at having "tougher skin", but Im just not. And I don't know how to be either. I DO let people get to me. I worry what people think. And that is so unfortunate. With losing another pregnancy, and dealing with the stress at work-I have officially cried every day for the past 2 weeks.

I know this has been nothing but a depressing post-but it's raw and honest. I'm trying to figure out a lot of things right now. Mostly..."what is God trying to teach me through all of this" (i.e. our pregnancy struggles and my discouragement at work). Im praying for guidance, answers, peace and comfort, and strength-just to make it through each day.

Growth

We've been trying to grow a lot of things at our new house and develop somewhat of a "green-thumb". It's safe to say that we have a long way to go, but have enjoyed spending the time planting a few flowers and some vegetables. Here are a few pictures of our latest projects:

We've got peppers!

And tomatoes!

There are potted flowers!

And even a few Azaleas! Our plan is to till up a section in our back-yard and create a TRUE garden. Keep in mind though,we've only been moved in for a little over a month, so for now, this is as good as it gets. Jaime has been spending a lot of time and energy on making the yard look nice. I think he's done a great job and we both hope that we see lots of growth and production out of the things we've planted!

BY THE WAY~

Our most recent and precious production is this:

Ah....two lines have never looked better!

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't equally as scared as I am excited. It's been a full year of trying for a second baby. And also a full year of losing two pregnancies. When that happens, it puts a fear in you that you never really knew before. Im only a little over 4 weeks along-very early-and am calculating this baby to be due sometime around December 25th or 26th. We decided to go ahead and make our news public that so people were aware and could be praying. Praying for GROWTH and development. Praying for peace versus anxiousness. Praying for a sweet and healthy bundle of joy, set to make his or her appearance at the msot perfect and special time...Christmas!

No Pictures, Just Words

Our sweet 2 year old is growing more and more, everyday. Here is an update on all the things she currently does:

-Everynight we have story time, and then a prayer, followed by Maddie going to sleep in her big girl bed. She holds our hands during the prayer and it is completely precious.

-She holds mini-conversations with us. It shocks me how she uses words and forms sentences together.

-She loves to sing. Her favorites are "Veggie Tales", "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer" and "Rock-a-bye-baby". She also enjoys dancing and has a VERY GIRLIE side to her. She has also been known to holler out "shake your booty" to a complete and total stranger, too! We can thank Papaw for that one!

-She's a big helper and actually enjoys cleaning like mommy or "helping" daddy in the yard. I suppose I should probably take full-advantage of this while I can!

-She's not too picky of an eater though she doesn't like things that are mushy-like green beans. She loves raw carrots and will dip anything (and I do mean ANTHING) in ranch dressing!

-No matter what time it is in the day, her new favorite things to say is "Good Morning".

-Her favorite things are animals, babies and anything she can play with outside. She has amazing coordination and I think she is going to be both "girlie" and "sporty"! She screams GOAL after kicking a soccer ball and inevitably throws her bat across the backyard if she misses the ball after she swings. I blame Jaime for her temper!

There is so much more that she says and does that I couldn't even begin to document it all. I love her more and more everyday and am so grateful for my time with her!

As for other news, Jaime is beginning to wrap up the end of his school year and looks forward to his summer. We've taken up a new love with gardening. We are amateurs-to say the least-but are willing to learn and try things out. It's taken a great deal of time just to get our flower beds cleaned out-let alone plant anything. We have done a little though. I planted peppers in a pot and will probably plant tomatoes as well. I have planted a banana tree and some lillies, too. We aren't done yet and we are learning as we go. It's been to experiment and hope that, with time, we actually know what it is we are doing!

As soon as I get a camera battery, I will update more. And this time with pictures!

Spring is Here

We have started settling into our new home and absolutely love it! I was able to get un-packed, just enough, to celebrate Maddie's 2nd birthday-a week after we moved in. It was a simple party but fun and she had a blast! Here are a few pictures of what's been going on recently:

Moving Out

It's official!
This past Friday, Jaime and I closed on our first house. We are so excited about this new phase in our life and are really looking forward to spending these next few days moving! I'll post again, as soon as I can, and hopefully...with pictures!

Stay tuned....

A Week In Review

On Friday, I took time off from work to take Madison to the doctor. She had been having nose trouble all week. Other than getting tired in the evening, she was in a great mood and had no fever. Still I knew something was up and on Friday the doctor confirmed that she had a double ear infection. As an adult, I couldn't imagine what that must feel like. Poor girl. We got some good antibiotics though and I anticipate them clearing her right up.

It's hard for me to believe that it's time for Maddie's birthday. On March 13th, she will be 2 years old! Shocking! We should be in our new house by that point (we are set to close on February 19th) and will probably do something small with family and a few friends. I really want to spend the day grilling hamburgers and enjoying cake (cookie cake, I think). I will probably do something with a Minnie Mouse theme this year, since that's the most recent character she seems to love. That and Tinkerbell (still)!

Once we are in the new house, Im going to finally move Maddie out of her crib and into her big-girl bed. All I need to do is go to Babies R Us and purchase a side railing and she will be set. She has a really pretty day-bed with spring colored sheets and blanket that I found at Target several months ago. I also picked up some decorations while I was there, and I am anxious to see how it looks all put together in the new house. I'm sure I will paint her room too, probably a light pink color, and Im really excited about it.

Speaking of the new house, we are less than 2 weeks away! My current house is competely demolished at this point. I suppose that's all part of the moving process, but it really stresses me out some. Im trying to relax about it and just go with flow. But Im the type of person that likes things clean and in their place! I went to Ashley's Furniture yesterday and found alot of stuff I like. Nothing I necessarily HAVE to have, but certainly things I loved! We'll see how that goes...

Work is going well. I have been a probation officer for over a year now. I don't love it, because most days it can be extremely stressful, but it is a good job and I like it enough that I can stay there as long as I need to. I do like, though it's few and far between, seeing those people that truly change their life. That is rewarding no matter what! Long term, if I still need to work, I would enjoy going back to school and finishing what I started-nursing. I don't have time for that right now, but maybe someday after all my babies are grown, I'll go back. I always, always wanted to be a labor and delivery nurse.

I suppose that's all for now. I stayed home from church today since Maddie is sick, and should probably use this time to pack some more. I'll try to take pictures of the new house and post them soon! Keep praying for us over these next few weeks...for a number of different reasons! God is really doing a lot of things these days...

Better Late Than Never

Christmas was a ton of fun with Maddie. She really enjoyed the whole "Santa Clause" concept this year, and I only anticipate that that will get more exciting as the years go by. We did all of our traditional things: Christmas movies, stories, cookies for Santa, Happy Birthday Jesus cake, and so on. Maddie got a ton of gifts (probably too many) and has yet to comprehend all that happened! Here are just a few pictures:







On December 30th, Jaime and I celebrated our 3rd wedding anniversary. We went to our special restaurant, Julians, and enjoyed a nice evening out-just the two of us. I still remember, back in May of 2005, seeing this cute guy stroll up to the softball fields to play with our men's church team. Who knew that I would later end up marrying that guy and having the most beautiful daughter with him! I really love our life and what we are building together. He is a great husband and father and I love him more than anything!





Jaime and I are really hopeful as to what this year could hold for us. We are still trying for another baby, and after 2 miscarriages, are praying that a new and successful pregnancy may be in the near future. We are also weeks away from purchasing our first home together and are really excited about that! Please be praying for my family as we move towards change and excitement, but also fear.