This past week, my grandfather passed away at the age of 72. This is my first time to experience the loss of a grandparent, and for me, it was somewhat expected; though I'm not sure one can ever totally prepare for such an event. His funeral was yesterday, and up to that point, I had really considered myself to be acting relatively strong. I remember when I was a little girl, how afraid I was of papa's possible death. I told one of my cousins a few days ago that I was somewhat glad that it happened now, in my adult years. I feel like at this point in my life, I can look at things much more realistically and think through it logically, versus what a child is capable of doing.
You see...
I know papa has always had relatively poor health. I know papa has been in a lot of pain for a long time. I believe that death isn't the end and I trust that time will help heal some of the hurt. And on top of everything else, I know how blessed I am to have spent as much time on this earth with my grandfather as I have.
But it still hurts.
Yesterday was hard for me, as it was for most of my family. The strength that I thought I had, turned into weakness once it all finally sunk in.
Am I over it?
Nope, I'm sure not. My heart hurts, my mind is constantly thinking of him right now, and the tears are still coming. I miss papa more than anything in the world. I'm not sure that will ever change. I don't think it has to, either.
For now, my plan is to write down (in my own personal journal) everything I can remember from my childhood...everything I know of these last few days...every detail of his funeral and burial...every story...every....
And then some day; with a little help from cousins, aunts and uncles, and all the rest...I'm going to tell Maddie all about my papa. And even though, she may not have known him long enough to remember, I'm going to assure her that he knew her! And she will be a better person because of it.
Yep, papa was larger than life, and one of the greatest men I will ever know. If I could tell him one more thing, it would be the same thing he told me when he first saw Maddie:
"You done good."
3 comments:
Yeah, I find myself thinking more and more of Papa...trying my best to capture as many memories as I can and holding as tightly to them as I can. I have soo many good memories of summers out there and things Papa said and did. Despite his gruff exterior, he was a gentle man and he loved his family with all his heart. I miss him too and the tears still come for me sometimes too.
Reading this post reminded me of when my Grandmother went home and I know all the well the thoughts and feelings that you are feeling right now. I will tell you one thing...the hardest time is the first holiday when they aren't there, but then you can find joy in that moment because you know that they are in a better place. I love ya and I will continue to be in prayer for the Templin family.
I had no idea when I began reading your blog entries that I would come to this one about Papa. You have expressed your feelings so beautifully and I as read your words, gentle tears ran down my face. But they were good tears, happy tears, because I know how much you love Papa, now and forever! Maddie will love him, too, just like Makayla. I'm so glad he had the chance to hold Maddie and Makayla and that we have some wonderful pictures to share later on. Thanks Amanda, for sharing your love for Papa in such a beautiful way!
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