Rock Star

If you asked Maddie what she wanted from Santa, she would always say "Barbie 'tar!" Needless to say, Santa delievered that special guitar in a big way and she has had a blast with it. Here she is practicing up on her skills!

Christmas 2010

Unfortunately, Christmas was not all that I had hoped for this year.

On Christmas Eve, we traveled to Carthage to visit my grandmother. On the car ride over, I felt weak and a little nauseated. I assumed that I would perk up after eating something. I struggled to get lunch down and immediately went to lie in the chair afterwards, while everyone else played games. An hour or so passed, and I couldn't take it anymore. I had to get home! Before we even pulled out of the drive, I got violently ill! It was awful but for a moment, I felt a little better. I tried to sleep the whole way home and then immediately went to my bed. I slept for about 2 hours before waking up feeling sick again. It was uncontrollable and I was miserable. My mom and Jaime kept trying to encourage me to go to the ER because I wasn't able to keep anything down. It was a tough decision to make though. Afterall, it was Christmas Eve (my favorite time of the year) and there were plans we had with Maddie. I was devastated but knew that I was dehydrated and needed a little IV help. So we drove to Tyler and sent Maddie to Nana and Papaw's house. They made cookies for Santa and read Christmas stories along with wrapping all of the "Santa" gifts, while we went to the hospital. I was sad but I know that Maddie really didn't know the difference yet. Thank goodness for her only being 2 1/2!!! It was a good thing that we went in. They immediately admitted me to labor and delivery for the night. I got set up in a room, hooked up to fetal monitors, and checked periodically. I was so dehydrated that my uterus was a little irritable. I went through 3 bags of fluid along with getting nausea medicine. The fluid helped quite a bit and by noon Christmas day, we were able to leave. I've been weak and tired, but better. We were able to do Santa with Maddie later that afternoon and she had a blast! I managed to make it through the day, carrying on with some yearly traditions, and crashed hard by the end of the night. Most importantly, Brooklyn's heart rate was great the whole time and Maddie has a super Christmas. As long as my girls are happy, right?!?!?!? :) Here are a few pictures:

Praise

I really need to take the opportunity to not only share my fears and worries, but to also share the things that I am grateful for! This is an an effort to change my way of thinking...slowly...but surely...

So hear goes:

1. Praise the Lord that the sonographer and doctor discovered the issue with Brooklyn's umbilical cord insertion! If it had been overlooked and not treated accordingly, the end results would most certainly be very bad. As scared and uncertain as I am about how things are going to play out, I have to be thankful to God for not allowing me to be one of the "undetected cases".

2. Thank you God for allowing me to be off all this next week from work! This break could not have come at a better time. I am in huge need of some rest and relaxation! It feels so good as I sit here on Sunday evening, knowing I do NOT have to go to work in the morning!

3. Ahhhh, and as I sit here typing...little Miss Brooklyn is kicking away and beginning to move my whole belly! What a fun feeling. Thank you God that I get the unique opportunity as a woman to experience carrying a child. This child. It is wonderful!

4. My Maddie. She is the best and I just know that she is going to be a wonderful big sister! She already loves Brooklyn so much and I love when she comes up to me, lifts my shirt up, and starts looking for her little sister in my belly button (except if we are in public!). It really makes me laugh!

5. Last but not least-praise God for a great husband! My emotions and hormones get the best of me-often. Somedays, he really puts up with a lot from me. I don't know that any other man would have done all that he has. I should say Thank You for him, and to him, a lot more often!

The list could go on and on but these things are what's specifically on my heart right now.

Continue to pray for Brooklyn! Our next appt is on January 10th and Im already anxious. Im praying for continued answers (hopefully in the form of reasonably good news) and a plan being laid out.

Three Words

I heard three words today.

The first set made me so happy: "It's a girl!" Of course, we already kind of knew that from our early sonogram at 16 weeks. We were simply glad that our doctor's visit at almost 22 weeks, confirmed that. Otherwise, our little boy was going to look strange in that Little Sister outfit I bought!

Then the next set of three words came.

Velamentous Cord Insertion

Now, if you google those words (if you dare) it paints a very messy picture. I should have NEVER looked up those words because when I did I saw these words: stillborn. That was the main word that stuck out to me and I cried when I saw it.

Im not an expert and my head is still sort of foggy, but the jist of what this all means is this: instead of the umbilical cord inserting correctly into the placenta, it sort of stopped early and only attached to the membranes. So far-this hasn't seemed to affect Brooklyn in a negative way. She's about 1 pound as she should be and measures correctly with the due date. Of course, she's as cute as can be too! However, this could affect things from here on out in a very dangerous way. It could prevent her from growing and putting on weight because of not getting the necessary nutrients. It could also cause, realistically, fetal death. The statistics I've read show that 95% of undetected cases end in stillborn. The upside is that our case is detected! My doctor knows and told me that she will be watching me very closely. I will have an ultrasound EVERY time and will probably start weekly stress tests at some point to make sure that no distress is going on with the baby. I'll have to be ever mindful of fetal movement as well. My doctor told me to try not to be overly-concerned (yea, right) and that many times this all turns out just fine. Some other possibilities were thrown around: scheduled early c-section, being one of them. I suppose we will see how this all plays out.

Im really trying to be optimistic and trust right now, but am really struggling. I've come so far after a lot of loss, and my worst fear is to have to deliver a baby that's not living. Im not sure how anyone would ever get through that.

Yes, I know....sort of a "gloom and doom" mentality, but that's where my mind always seems to go first.

I would just ask that you pray for this baby, mostly. Pray that she continues to grow and remains healthy. Pray that we are all able to hold her and enjoy her in a few months. Pray that we can watch her grow just as we are doing with Maddie.

Journey Through Bethlehem 2010

JTB is here again and we are having a huge turn out! We've already beat several records from years past! Maddie spent 2 solid nights out on the town and absolutely loved it. Her favorite part is all the animals! There are 2 ponies this year that are a new additon. They are the cutest things and she really loved them! Maddie also helped her dad and I sell baskets in a booth one night. I must say-she is the cutest little girl to ever walk the streets of Bethlehem! Cameras aren't allowed out on the town so I have limited pictures. But this gives you an idea:

Christmas, thus far...

So much has happened in the Crouse House, and all in a matter of roughly a week! For starters, my sweet great grandmother passed away about a week ago. She had lived 96 years on this Earth and we were all ready for her passing. (what a blessing....96 years!!) I can only imagine the welcome she received by her Heavenly Father along with a husband and son that she had been without for so many years. She will be missed but this Earthly good-bye is only temporary!

The same evening of grandmaw's passing, I spent the entire night in the ER. I had woken up with some pretty severe back pain that lasted all day and continued to get worse. It brought me to tears, it hurt so bad, and I really began to worry that something was wrong with the pregnancy. After a long night, they determined that I had kidney stones and sent me home with pain medication. It's a touchy thing during pregnancy and there is not always a lot that can be done. I've spent the next week is CONSTANT pain and could not even attend the funeral. Some times it is worse than others, but it's always there. I've even been to the ER one other time, because I just can't seem to get comfortable. The most likely story at the moment, is that I still have stone that I am unable to pass. I see my OB doctor on Tuesday and I am praying for more answers and some relief. Im not sure how this is all going to end at the moment, but I ask that you be in prayer for it too. I have several more months of my pregnancy and I would really, really like to go back to enjoying it.

Despite the intense pain I've been in, I've still had many things I not only wanted to do but HAD to do (like work...ugh). Christmas is my favorite time of year and Im trying to not let my discomfort ruin fun traditions that not only I enjoy-but Maddie as well. So on Saturday, Maddie and I headed to Hallsville with Jaime to help him and his varsity soccer team help out in a service project at the Hallsville Outreach Center. This is something that Jaime really wanted his boys to do and asked me if I wanted to help. I thought it was a great idea and a way for us to all be together. I helped Maddie rake some leaves for a little while at a local park. I was so very proud of her! She thinks that helping is fun (atleast for now!) and I really want to encourage that idea within her. She spent a lot of time hanging out with her dad and the boys too along with playing at the park; which allowed me to sit down and rest.

Later that night, we did our annual Cracker Barrel/Santa Land trip. I look forward to this every year! We went and ate some good food, shopped around in the store, and then headed over to see the lights. Maddie LOVED it! She is at such a fun age this year. Afterwards, we pulled over and let her see Santa. While we waited in line, she was literally jumping up and down from excitement! I wasn't sure how she would act when it was actually her turn but she did better than expected. She ran straight to him, hugged him, kissed his cheek and was still in his lap. But when he asked her what she wanted for Christmas, she shut down and acted shy. It was kind of cute! So far this is what she says she wants when we ask:

a reindeer (she loves Rudolph)
brown horse (horses are her new thing)

a "baby-tar" (Barbie guitar)

I can't wait till Christmas morning! We've got plenty of other things over these next few weeks and Im looking forward to them ALL!