Joy and Fear

"I prayed for this child and the Lord has granted me what I asked...."

That prayer was prayed by Hannah in scripture. I love that prayer, particularly over these past few months. Going through a miscarriage was hard. Probably the hardest thing that Jaime and I have faced to date, in our marriage. Seeing a sonogram of your baby, with no heartbeat, makes a lasting impression on you.

And yet...you get through it. Just like anything else. You just don't forget.

We decided to start trying again pretty quickly, and low and behold...we are expecting! Thank you God! We've known for a week or two but chose not to say much. You see, we have this overwhelming since of JOY right now, that is shadowed by an equal amount of FEAR. It's a constant battle.

Once, it was confirmed(through pregnancy tests, blood work & an early sonogram) that we are indeed pregnant, we decided to go ahead and announce. And for no other reason than to simply ask people to pray. Pray that this pregnancy goes well, that this baby is healthy, and that we get to bring Maddie a little baby brother or sister home.

Yesterday, I had my early sonogram. It's procedure to have an early one after a miscarriage. They call it a "viability scan." The whole point is to make sure we can see a heartbeat. So far, the doctor hasn't. I went home yesterday and cried. But here is where the HOPE kicks in, and why I really feel good about things today:

The doctor thinks that maybe Im just not as far as long as I had thought; like maybe I just ovulated late in my cycle. She specifically told me that she is very optimistic because my blood work(all 3 rounds) has come back GREAT...showing that my HCG levels(the pregnancy hormone) continue to rise by about 60% every day! That's amazing news and I actually was told that today after my most recent results!

In the meantime, I wait until next Thursday. I have another sonogram on that day in the hopes of seeing a heartbeat at that point. The waiting is the worst, but I continue to pray daily that God will help me overcome my fears and get me through to this next week. And that, on that screen, we see a very tiny heartbeat for our baby. Please pray....

The Fair

Jaime and I went to the East Texas State Fair this year. It had been such a long time since I had been. As a matter of fact, Jaime and I had never been together. So we decided to meet up with our good friends, Nathan and Tiffany, and take Madison out for the day. It was a little more hot than I would have liked, but it wasn't crowded at all and we had a really great time! Here are a few pictures from the day:

The carousel was the only ride she was big enough to get on. She loved it...until it actually started moving! Poor Daddy, spent the next few minutes trying to get her to calm down and actually keep her on the horse!

We spent some time inside Harvey Hall at all the exhibits and soaking up the AC. Madison was still happy that daddy won her a Nemo fish while playing games!

This is my daughter's new way of taking a picture. She throws her self to one side and yells "cheese!" I think she feels like she is posing, but then the picture comes out looking like this! She's silly...

Hot and tired. Time to head home.

18 Months

Hello, again!

Ever since I got my I-phone, and considering that my internet is STILL dial-up, I've been really bad about posting. Let's see what I can catch my few readers up on:

I went to certification in Austin back in mid-August. It was a long, boring week but it's now behind me. I haven't received my scores yet but don't anticipate anything too bad! I also had my first evaluation by my director. I walked away still employed which is a good thing! To top things off, I got my first raise...and a pretty significant one. Very exciting!

Jaime and I have found a house we really love and are in the early stages of pursuing it. We don't know that this particular house will be the one we are meant to have yet; but we are certainly hoping so and praying a lot about it!

On the 13th, Madison Elizabeth will be 18 months old! That is shocking to me. I still remember this:

What a chunk and only crawling at that point. Wow, time sure has flown by! She runs around the house like crazy, kicks a soccer ball, and says the following words: daddy, mama, nana, papaw, alan, kitty, puppy, bye, hi, yay, where, why, no, eat, juice and the list goes on. She is even starting to form small sentences by combining a word or two. There is never a dull or quiet moment in our house anymore! She's amazing!

I suppose that's all for now. I'll try to post some current pictures of the girl, soon!

It's Been A While...

Well, as most of you know, I had a miscarriage about a month ago. Jaime and I went in for our 10 week appointment. We were both so excited to see the baby's heartbeat and get some sonogram pictures; just like we did with Maddie! I was starting to finally feel better and was looking forward to moving into the second tri-mester. However, once the sonogram began, I immediately knew something was wrong. The baby was there but the heartbeat wasn't anymore. It only measured to be 8 weeks and I was almost 10.5 that day. We were devestated and it's been a hard month, but things are slowly starting to get better. We still have the desire to have more children and soon; but now that fear is there that never was before. I had my follow-up with my doctor yesterday and she said that thing look good. Please be praying for us as we contemplate when we want to try again for another baby. Also pray, that this time-we get to bring this baby home with us-happy and healthy!

In other news, Jaime is home for the summer and absolutely loving being with Madison every day. Im not sure what they do all day, but they seem to have a lot of fun! I'm jealous!

My job is busy and stressful as always. I'm set to go to certification in August. It's in Austin, which Im not looking forward to; but as long as I pass the test-I get to keep my job and get a raise!

We are saving up for a house. I am so excited that this is even a possibility! As much as I hate working right now, the extra income has really helped us be able to do a lot of things. My goal, is to within a year, have found a house. Though I wouldn't be opposed if it happened sooner than that! =)

I hope everyone is doing well. Sorry, it's been so long-it's just been crazy around the Crouse House.