Joy and Fear

"I prayed for this child and the Lord has granted me what I asked...."

That prayer was prayed by Hannah in scripture. I love that prayer, particularly over these past few months. Going through a miscarriage was hard. Probably the hardest thing that Jaime and I have faced to date, in our marriage. Seeing a sonogram of your baby, with no heartbeat, makes a lasting impression on you.

And yet...you get through it. Just like anything else. You just don't forget.

We decided to start trying again pretty quickly, and low and behold...we are expecting! Thank you God! We've known for a week or two but chose not to say much. You see, we have this overwhelming since of JOY right now, that is shadowed by an equal amount of FEAR. It's a constant battle.

Once, it was confirmed(through pregnancy tests, blood work & an early sonogram) that we are indeed pregnant, we decided to go ahead and announce. And for no other reason than to simply ask people to pray. Pray that this pregnancy goes well, that this baby is healthy, and that we get to bring Maddie a little baby brother or sister home.

Yesterday, I had my early sonogram. It's procedure to have an early one after a miscarriage. They call it a "viability scan." The whole point is to make sure we can see a heartbeat. So far, the doctor hasn't. I went home yesterday and cried. But here is where the HOPE kicks in, and why I really feel good about things today:

The doctor thinks that maybe Im just not as far as long as I had thought; like maybe I just ovulated late in my cycle. She specifically told me that she is very optimistic because my blood work(all 3 rounds) has come back GREAT...showing that my HCG levels(the pregnancy hormone) continue to rise by about 60% every day! That's amazing news and I actually was told that today after my most recent results!

In the meantime, I wait until next Thursday. I have another sonogram on that day in the hopes of seeing a heartbeat at that point. The waiting is the worst, but I continue to pray daily that God will help me overcome my fears and get me through to this next week. And that, on that screen, we see a very tiny heartbeat for our baby. Please pray....