For weeks now, we've been hoping and praying that this pregnancy would be ok. I had weekly sonograms and blood work, which for a while-all looked promising. We were just never able to find a heartbeat, and slowly but surely, my blood work that had once contained such high numbers-began to drop. Experiencing a miscarriage is a really difficult thing. Experiencing two is mind boggling and has made me more angry than sad.
My pregnancy with Maddie was perfect in every way. For the most part, it was enjoyable and was a completely "textbook" experience. My delivery was great. My baby was happy and healthy. I've never experienced any problems and have, obviously, no issues with getting pregnant. Yet...for some reason I have now experienced back-to-back losses.
Realistically, I don't think it's anyting more than just a "normal and natural" thing, that just happened to happen twice for me. My doctor may run a few tests, but I don't expect any devastating news to come up (I hope) and she has told me that from what she can see...I look fine. She said that many times, there is no medical reason for it, even though she will still check. She also assured me that she wouldn't even begin to think that we couldn't have more children...so to not get discouraged. Like I said, I have had a PERFECT experience before, which completely works in my favor. And once, we've waited the necessary time...we will still try again. The desire to have more children is still very strong for us, and though I've gone through a loss 2 times now...I don't feel like I'm done.
It's very hard for me, right now, though Im trying to be strong. A D&C won't be necessary this time. My body is doing it all on it's on, which is uncomfortable emotionally and physically. I have good days and bad ones. There is pregnancy and babies everywhere it seems like; which always stings the heart a little. Then I remember that there is still hope and still a God that loves me more than I could have imagined. A God that knows my needs, knows my desires, and has a plan. When we do have another successful pregnancy, Im sure I will look back and see how God was at work the whole time-creating another new and perfect experience for me. Far better than I could have ever imagined or planned myself.
Please keep praying for us as we work through this & then look to the future again!
1 comment:
I am sorry for your loss I know that must be very difficult. Keep the good attitude because I believe you are right about God creating a great experience for you all through this.
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