Two weeks ago today, I woke up in bed and could immediately tell that something was wrong. I knew, before I even made it to the restroom, that I was bleeding. I was right-and for the rest of the weekend-I experienced my third and hardest miscarriage. Three times....wow. I've spent a lot of time over the past 2 weeks wondering how I even got to this point. How could my first pregnancy be so great, and my body get pregnant so easily...to have then experienced what I have over this past year? It just doesn't make sense to me and I hate every second of it! Im frustrated, upset, discouraged, confused, angry, tired, and the list goes on and on. It's a horrible thing to go through. And yet...that desire is still there. Jaime and I, along with my doctor, have decided to go to the next step. All that means at this point is that we are going to have some further testing done. Those test are going to take place next Friday. The results (if any) will then show us what may or may not need to happen next. Be praying hard. Please.
In other news, my job is horrible and Im surrounded by un-Godly, un-caring people. I've made great relationships with a few of them. But there are others that are rude, and dramatic, and make me completely miserable. I wished I was better at having "tougher skin", but Im just not. And I don't know how to be either. I DO let people get to me. I worry what people think. And that is so unfortunate. With losing another pregnancy, and dealing with the stress at work-I have officially cried every day for the past 2 weeks.
I know this has been nothing but a depressing post-but it's raw and honest. I'm trying to figure out a lot of things right now. Mostly..."what is God trying to teach me through all of this" (i.e. our pregnancy struggles and my discouragement at work). Im praying for guidance, answers, peace and comfort, and strength-just to make it through each day.
2 comments:
I am sorry you are going through all of this...some encouragement is that we had a friend go through the exact pregnancy experience you have, one happy healthy baby and then three miscarriages right in a row. Happily, they do have another healthy baby. They did testing too and just found out they needed to keep trying. Low and behold they got pregnant the very next time. We will pray for comfort for you as God reveals his plan to you. Hang in there and remember to savour every moment with miss madison because when that second baby does come along you will be thankful for that precious one on one time you had with her.
Hope you have a good Mother's Day!
Thank you for the encouragement! I appreciate it!
Hope Mothers Day was good for you too!
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