Madison Elizabeth

It had been quite a while since I last had Maddie's pictures taken. So, a few weeks ago, I called a good friend of mine that does photography and asked him to set us up. He came and took photos of Maddie this morning and I think they turned out great. Here are just a few of my favorites:

I often ask Maddie if she is my big girl, to which she replies, "no, I da baby!" I suppose she's right about that to an extent. But looking at these pictures says something completely different! I can't believe she is over 2 years old now. I remember rocking her to sleep in her room, when she was only a few weeks old, and telling myself how I would never forget that exact moment. I never have either! Granted, it hasn't been a lifetime yet, but I can remember every detail from the moment she was born till now. So many things pop out in my mind when I reflect over the past 2 years. Mostly, Im just so very grateful that God chose to bless me with this gift. I always wanted to have lots of babies, and ALWAYS wanted a little girl first. I never expected it would be this fun, though! The "world of pink" is as good as it gets and through the disheartening times of pregnancy losses-Im particularly thankful that I do know what it's like to carry/deliver/and raise a sweet baby.

Maddie...you are the best! Daddy and I love you!

Hard Times

Two weeks ago today, I woke up in bed and could immediately tell that something was wrong. I knew, before I even made it to the restroom, that I was bleeding. I was right-and for the rest of the weekend-I experienced my third and hardest miscarriage. Three times....wow. I've spent a lot of time over the past 2 weeks wondering how I even got to this point. How could my first pregnancy be so great, and my body get pregnant so easily...to have then experienced what I have over this past year? It just doesn't make sense to me and I hate every second of it! Im frustrated, upset, discouraged, confused, angry, tired, and the list goes on and on. It's a horrible thing to go through. And yet...that desire is still there. Jaime and I, along with my doctor, have decided to go to the next step. All that means at this point is that we are going to have some further testing done. Those test are going to take place next Friday. The results (if any) will then show us what may or may not need to happen next. Be praying hard. Please.

In other news, my job is horrible and Im surrounded by un-Godly, un-caring people. I've made great relationships with a few of them. But there are others that are rude, and dramatic, and make me completely miserable. I wished I was better at having "tougher skin", but Im just not. And I don't know how to be either. I DO let people get to me. I worry what people think. And that is so unfortunate. With losing another pregnancy, and dealing with the stress at work-I have officially cried every day for the past 2 weeks.

I know this has been nothing but a depressing post-but it's raw and honest. I'm trying to figure out a lot of things right now. Mostly..."what is God trying to teach me through all of this" (i.e. our pregnancy struggles and my discouragement at work). Im praying for guidance, answers, peace and comfort, and strength-just to make it through each day.